useless VS mediocre

I've been wondering, where am I actually heading towards to during my daily life,
what am I doing & what have I achieve...??

I find myself to be useless but yet at times,
I jus find that i'm jus being mediocre..

when I received compliments today,
I felt happy for a moment..
but, it's not lasting..
To me, to be able to live the way I want,
that's the most important...
But, reality is cruel...
I lost confidence in everything...
I don't even dare to make myself stand out...
I jus simply got to succumb to people's arrogance & their influential status
under circumstances which I don't wish to undergo the most..

Why has it got to be me...?
or is everyone jus enduring in silence...?

I really don't know..
my mind is in a daze..
I had a reasonably-cooked FISH & CHIPS for my dinner which is one of my favourite food...
but I don't enjoy it becoz I jus simply don't have the appetite.
I wonder why I went for it..
I should go home and jus cook a instant noodle & be done with it...
afterall, everything seems to be tasteless & monotonous...

jus now, i went grandma house and saw "kim kim"..
she asked me, "why I dyed my hair ?".
I told her "it's to make myself look younger after being said to be OLD"...
she replied, "pocket got $$ can liao."
I replied sadly, "then how, I got no looks, and also no $$."
so both also I don't have...

sometimes, I realli envy my cousins..
either handsome or pretty...
they may not have $$...
but at least, they've something which truly belongs to them.
no one can ever take their good looks away...
and in fact, they will become more & more popular when they know more ppl & friends...
who don't like "yan dao" & "chio bu"...?
I can't think of any who will reject...

Perhaps, I should stop here liao..
i scared if i type somemore, i cannot hold my tears back liao le...